She did not, and I didn't ask... The words she gave me were merely an attempt on her part to comfort me. I... at that time I honestly couldn't begin to think about what else was going on.
[ With his legs now crossed, he leans forward and wrings his hands a little as he stares out to nothing in particular. He didn't want to look at Lightning and deal with her cold looks. ]
She has already been through enough, I felt it was inappropriate to worry her with questions.
[Just as Caius leans forward, Lightning takes a seat at the edge of the bench, making sure to leave some room between them. Contrary to him, she folds her arms and leans back, but doesn't look his way either.
So is this why he came to Lightning instead? To find out the things he didn't want to ask Yeul? At least she can take it, even if this conversation was completely unexpected, and is awkward at best for the two of them... Something like this wouldn't be easy for Yeul to talk about, she figures as well. She didn't take it well when Lightning told her.]
Each time Yeul died, her soul was splintered. The Chaos that infected our world was... it was her love for you. Each reincarnation only made it grow...
Is this your way of saying that forming bonds with myself is a toxic experience?
[ Caius was joking... for the most part, but he doesn't turn his head to face Lightning. Knowing what the chaos really was, that was like a big striking pain to the heart for him. Every single Yeul and their love for Caius, it binds them to that place... a place she never should have been trapped in. ]
[ Caius lets out a soft laugh, but it was mixed with some other emotion. it wasn't really sadness. It was hard to explain but... it almost felt like he was done. In general. ]
Even if the equation of Yeul was out of the picture, you couldn't have done anything for me. I wouldn't want to be saved...
[She had said those words to him then, too. If he didn't want her help, then why would she waste her time on him? That's what she thought, anyway. There were plenty others who wished to be, and her time was better spent saving them instead. So why does she have that sinking feeling in her stomach when she hears it? Why does it hurt to be reminded that she couldn't do it? She thinks on it for a moment but can't come up with an answer.]
Why?
Edited (what is reading comprehension today) 2019-03-04 17:21 (UTC)
[ Caius tilts his head a little to look at her. Did she really want to know or was she just being curious. He wasn't sure, but no one really needed to know the reason. It's not like he wanted anyone to pity him or feel any sense of feelings toward him. He shouldn't even be here now getting what Yeul called a second chance. ]
[Still, she's curious to know why Caius thinks the way that he does. Five hundred years can change a person for better or for worse and he is no exception to that. She wonders if his reasoning now is the same as it is five centuries down the road, at the end of the world.
She can feel his eyes on her, so she keeps her gaze forward.]
It sounds more like your curiosity is getting the better of you.
[ Though could he really judge? He's the one who called her out here in the first place. He was the one who asked her about the future and what exactly happened after he thought he passed on. He has no right to judge her curiosity.
He lets out a soft sigh, staring up into the sky.]
I have lived a long life dedicated to one thing. With that one thing gone, is there really a point anymore?
[It's eerie to think that those are the same thoughts Lightning had at one point, after Serah had turned to crystal. She wondered what else there was to live for when she thought she'd lost everything, and it was Fang who pulled her out of that funk and reminded her that there was at least one thing left to live for – her sister. She'd continue to fight for her until that fight was over, so what makes this any different?]
What do you mean, gone? She's free now, and you could've been, too.
She's free here, and according to her she is free now from fate's cruel hands, but she wasn't for some time.
[ Caius falls silent, just letting the cold air of the night blow past him. He doesn't seem to shiver or even acknowledge how chilly it was at night right now, just a lot of thoughts on his mind instead.
It was strange, he thought the young savior of the world would have gotten bored by now. He thought she would have left him here a while ago, but she was still here, prying into his mind. It was... strange. ]
If you want my complete honesty... [ He turned his head to look at her again, complete seriousness in his eyes. ] I was already fed up with everything. I couldn't take seeing this life taken over and over and with the last yeul... there was only one way to kill the goddess, and I welcomed it... [ Welcomed what he thought was his own death. ]
[Her jaw clenches, and in the dim light of the streetlamps, he'll be able to spot it. Killing Caius meant killing the Goddess, and if that meant getting what he wanted, Lightning knew he would stop at nothing to get it, and he didn't. He had something he believed in and fought for, and won – he got what he wanted but why not see your efforts to fruition? Well, whatever. What's done is done and talking about that now with him won't do anything to change the past... With his death, though, she wonders if the little Seeress is even aware?
She looks at him now, too, her gaze sharp.]
Do you regret it? Now that you know what Yeul wants? Can't imagine she'll be too happy about that.
[She rolls her eyes, but he was right about one thing – curiosity is getting the better of her. It's not often that Caius calls her out like this and even more rare that the two of them can have a somewhat calm conversation where they're only at each other's throats a little bit...]
[ It was a tiny jab at Lightning. She really must be nosy though, because there is no other way she would actually be this invested in Caius' well being or his thoughts. Perhaps she was a little bored too... Should he humor her any longer, or should he give her the cold shoulder. Either way she probably wouldn't care... ]
There is someone... other than Yeul who was hurt in all of this.
[ He frowns thoughtfully to himself as his gaze goes forward and he moves to stand up once more. ]
[She doesn't follow him up, but she does watch him get to his feet. Lightning thinks she knows exactly who he means. She had a feeling that Caius cares a lot more than he lets on, and perhaps always has, in his own twisted way. They were all the others had at one point, and no matter the pain people have to go through, at the end of the day, they were still some kind of family. There's no erasing that, no matter how hard one tries, but at least here, things are different.]
No, you can't.
[There's no fixing what Caius had done, and there's no way for him to take it back – that much she knows. There will always be that hole in everyone's hearts.]
But you've got another chance. Use it.
[The last part is said with some vexation, because why is she even giving him this advice?!? What has he done to deserve it?]
[ He snorts softly, turning his head back to look at her, his hair falling over his shoulder. Why was he even telling her this much? Why did it feel like he was confiding so much of his feelings with her? Perhaps... it was just easier. Lightning and him weren't exactly comrades, but he didn't feel that hatred he once felt before. As of late it even seemed like she tolerated his existence.
Perhaps it was just easier to talk to Lightning, because she had a level head and despite her feelings toward him, she was still honest. ]
[Is this Caius trying to turn over a new leaf right here???
Lightning is trying to do the same, in a different sort of way, but it's not easy for people like them; people who have a hard time opening up, or letting others help. As much as she hates to admit it...]
Start by trying to live for yourself. It's not just about surviving anymore.
[There aren't threats here. No fal'Cie or Gods to tell them what to do, and Caius isn't even that much of a concern here. It's a lot easier to focus on other things when their first instincts aren't to just get past the day without a scratch from trying to take their enemies down a peg or two.]
[ Then again, who ever said anything in life was easy in the first place? The two of them knew just how terrible life could be, and just how many curve balls it could throw at a single person. ]
When you live for someone else for so long, it's not easy to pull away from that mindset.
[It took a lot of work, and sometimes she still has troubles remembering that she needs to do more for herself and to stop worrying so much about others, but it's in her nature. She grew up looking out for Serah and only Serah that now, she's trying to figure out how to look out for herself, too.
And if Lightning can, she believes that maybe Caius can, too. They've both got about the same levels of stubbornness....]
Find something else you love and pour your heart into it.
It feels... very strange to get encouragement from you.
[ It couldn't be pity. She didn't have enough feelings toward him to even consider pity, and he really didn't think she was that type of person either. ]
Find something else... who knew that a concept so simple would be the biggest trial...
[Lightning gets to her feet and folds her arms again, huffing in a 'you didn't have to point it out' kind of way. It was a matter of time before the moment was ruined by one of them... Lightning turns so that she's facing away from him entirely and shakes her head.]
Yeah, well... that part's up to you.
[She can't help him with that. If he truly wants to find a way to live happily ever after here, it's up to him and only him to find whatever that thing is. Wanting to change things is the very first step and if it took Lightning as long as it did for her, then she wonders how long it will take for Caius. It's none of her business, though.]
[ He gives her a small nod. He's taken up enough of her time, and he got the answers he wanted, at least for the most part. Even a little extra he wasn't expecting. ]
It feels strange wishing you a "good evening" so I will just leave with a rare sentiment of gratitude instead.
[ He doesn't turn to meet her gaze and instead just starts walking off. Where was he heading to? It was hard to tell. He wouldn't tell anyone where he was "living" anyway. He does pause briefly as if to say something else, but whatever it was he just ignored and kept on walking. ]
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sparkstrikes) wrote2023-01-01 12:11 pm
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[ With his legs now crossed, he leans forward and wrings his hands a little as he stares out to nothing in particular. He didn't want to look at Lightning and deal with her cold looks. ]
She has already been through enough, I felt it was inappropriate to worry her with questions.
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So is this why he came to Lightning instead? To find out the things he didn't want to ask Yeul? At least she can take it, even if this conversation was completely unexpected, and is awkward at best for the two of them... Something like this wouldn't be easy for Yeul to talk about, she figures as well. She didn't take it well when Lightning told her.]
Each time Yeul died, her soul was splintered. The Chaos that infected our world was... it was her love for you. Each reincarnation only made it grow...
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[ Caius was joking... for the most part, but he doesn't turn his head to face Lightning. Knowing what the chaos really was, that was like a big striking pain to the heart for him. Every single Yeul and their love for Caius, it binds them to that place... a place she never should have been trapped in. ]
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[Lightning is mostly sarcastic as well, but it feels weird to be joking around with him like this, so time to kill the moment!]
I couldn't save you... in the end.
[There is some sadness there, but more spite than anything else. She had tried, and had failed, and that's what bothers her the most.]
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[ Caius lets out a soft laugh, but it was mixed with some other emotion. it wasn't really sadness. It was hard to explain but... it almost felt like he was done. In general. ]
Even if the equation of Yeul was out of the picture, you couldn't have done anything for me. I wouldn't want to be saved...
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[She had said those words to him then, too. If he didn't want her help, then why would she waste her time on him? That's what she thought, anyway. There were plenty others who wished to be, and her time was better spent saving them instead. So why does she have that sinking feeling in her stomach when she hears it? Why does it hurt to be reminded that she couldn't do it? She thinks on it for a moment but can't come up with an answer.]
Why?
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I'm sure the answer would just bore you.
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[Still, she's curious to know why Caius thinks the way that he does. Five hundred years can change a person for better or for worse and he is no exception to that. She wonders if his reasoning now is the same as it is five centuries down the road, at the end of the world.
She can feel his eyes on her, so she keeps her gaze forward.]
But I'm still here.
[Which means she wants an answer.]
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[ Though could he really judge? He's the one who called her out here in the first place. He was the one who asked her about the future and what exactly happened after he thought he passed on. He has no right to judge her curiosity.
He lets out a soft sigh, staring up into the sky.]
I have lived a long life dedicated to one thing. With that one thing gone, is there really a point anymore?
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What do you mean, gone? She's free now, and you could've been, too.
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[ Caius falls silent, just letting the cold air of the night blow past him. He doesn't seem to shiver or even acknowledge how chilly it was at night right now, just a lot of thoughts on his mind instead.
It was strange, he thought the young savior of the world would have gotten bored by now. He thought she would have left him here a while ago, but she was still here, prying into his mind. It was... strange. ]
If you want my complete honesty... [ He turned his head to look at her again, complete seriousness in his eyes. ] I was already fed up with everything. I couldn't take seeing this life taken over and over and with the last yeul... there was only one way to kill the goddess, and I welcomed it... [ Welcomed what he thought was his own death. ]
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[Her jaw clenches, and in the dim light of the streetlamps, he'll be able to spot it. Killing Caius meant killing the Goddess, and if that meant getting what he wanted, Lightning knew he would stop at nothing to get it, and he didn't. He had something he believed in and fought for, and won – he got what he wanted but why not see your efforts to fruition? Well, whatever. What's done is done and talking about that now with him won't do anything to change the past... With his death, though, she wonders if the little Seeress is even aware?
She looks at him now, too, her gaze sharp.]
Do you regret it? Now that you know what Yeul wants? Can't imagine she'll be too happy about that.
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[ Caius gives her a sharp look in return, but as sharp as it might be, somehow it doesn't seem to have quite as much intensity as it once had. ]
Admittedly, there are a few things I will admit regret for....
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[She rolls her eyes, but he was right about one thing – curiosity is getting the better of her. It's not often that Caius calls her out like this and even more rare that the two of them can have a somewhat calm conversation where they're only at each other's throats a little bit...]
Like what?
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[ It was a tiny jab at Lightning. She really must be nosy though, because there is no other way she would actually be this invested in Caius' well being or his thoughts. Perhaps she was a little bored too... Should he humor her any longer, or should he give her the cold shoulder. Either way she probably wouldn't care... ]
There is someone... other than Yeul who was hurt in all of this.
[ He frowns thoughtfully to himself as his gaze goes forward and he moves to stand up once more. ]
And there is no going back to fixing that.
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No, you can't.
[There's no fixing what Caius had done, and there's no way for him to take it back – that much she knows. There will always be that hole in everyone's hearts.]
But you've got another chance. Use it.
[The last part is said with some vexation, because why is she even giving him this advice?!? What has he done to deserve it?]
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Perhaps it was just easier to talk to Lightning, because she had a level head and despite her feelings toward him, she was still honest. ]
How does one start?
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Lightning is trying to do the same, in a different sort of way, but it's not easy for people like them; people who have a hard time opening up, or letting others help. As much as she hates to admit it...]
Start by trying to live for yourself. It's not just about surviving anymore.
[There aren't threats here. No fal'Cie or Gods to tell them what to do, and Caius isn't even that much of a concern here. It's a lot easier to focus on other things when their first instincts aren't to just get past the day without a scratch from trying to take their enemies down a peg or two.]
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[ Then again, who ever said anything in life was easy in the first place? The two of them knew just how terrible life could be, and just how many curve balls it could throw at a single person. ]
When you live for someone else for so long, it's not easy to pull away from that mindset.
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[It took a lot of work, and sometimes she still has troubles remembering that she needs to do more for herself and to stop worrying so much about others, but it's in her nature. She grew up looking out for Serah and only Serah that now, she's trying to figure out how to look out for herself, too.
And if Lightning can, she believes that maybe Caius can, too. They've both got about the same levels of stubbornness....]
Find something else you love and pour your heart into it.
[Or someone... If Caius is even capable of that.]
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[ It couldn't be pity. She didn't have enough feelings toward him to even consider pity, and he really didn't think she was that type of person either. ]
Find something else... who knew that a concept so simple would be the biggest trial...
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Yeah, well... that part's up to you.
[She can't help him with that. If he truly wants to find a way to live happily ever after here, it's up to him and only him to find whatever that thing is. Wanting to change things is the very first step and if it took Lightning as long as it did for her, then she wonders how long it will take for Caius. It's none of her business, though.]
I gotta head back. It's late.
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It feels strange wishing you a "good evening" so I will just leave with a rare sentiment of gratitude instead.
[ He doesn't turn to meet her gaze and instead just starts walking off. Where was he heading to? It was hard to tell. He wouldn't tell anyone where he was "living" anyway. He does pause briefly as if to say something else, but whatever it was he just ignored and kept on walking. ]